


In Another Life

by NeverDyingRose, Reinamarieseregon



Series: From Light [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age 2
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age 2 - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Love, Multi, Sex, canon plot, fenhawke - Freeform, fenris/ hawke - Freeform, twotiming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4395662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverDyingRose/pseuds/NeverDyingRose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinamarieseregon/pseuds/Reinamarieseregon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short Drabble I wrote for the dragon age 2 thing. Undertones of Hawke / Anders and Fenris/ Isabela. It's a whole lot of angst based on what happens in the three years Fenris and Hawke are apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Almost Kisses

 

Fenris narrowed his eyes, as the abomination helped Hawke up. She had managed to dodge an assassin’s dagger, only to trip on the leftover ice from her own Icewall spell. Hawke tipped her head back and laughed heartily at her own clumsiness. It was a sound he had missed dearly. She laughed sparingly around him now, and the pettiness of this punishment stung the elf’s heart. Admittedly, he deserved it. He had been the one who walked out on her after sharing her bed, without so much as a ‘thanks for the memories’.

Still, his fists clenched at the sight of the mage touching Hawke. Could she not see the danger he posed? He was one mistake away from becoming an abomination! When the mage finally _caved_ in to that Spirit, he would be there to make sure he never hurt Hawke.

For now, he focused on keeping his distance. Hawke had respected his wish not to talk about their night together. Still, it didn’t help his thoughts wandering back to her touch. Her skin soft beneath his gauntlets. The sound of his name on her lips….

“Penny for your thoughts, sweet thing?” Isabella purred. 

The rogue appeared by his side, swaying her hips purposely.

They had been lucky to run into a group of Tevinter slavers on the coast. Well, lucky for them. Not so lucky for the slavers. The rogue had been anything but helpful regarding his relationship with Hawke. She pestered for details, making crude jokes when she could, and Fenris didn’t have Hawke’s patience nor tact to joke around sarcastically.

Of course, it hadn’t taken long for the other misfits of their party to notice the strained relationship between them, even if the physical distance was mainly from Fenris’ insistence.

“Nothing you should concern yourself with.” He muttered.

Isabella chuckled and trailed her hand down his chest.

“Alright, but if you carry on staring like that she might start to feel your eyes burning into her back. You know how mages are with their senses.”

He immediately focused on the ground like it had become the most interesting thing in the world, his ears hot. He hadn’t even noticed how hard he had been staring! Hawke was ahead of them, talking and gesturing at Anders. They were discussing healing potions and how different spells reacted to one another. She was smiling at something he had said. She had once reserved her special smile, just for him. He punished himself every night, thinking of possible ways he could earn one more smile. Now she gave her smile liberally to the abomination.

“Mind your own business!” He snapped, battingIsabela’s hand away.

Hawke frowned and glanced back at them. Fenris kept his eyes averted.

At some point, Anders and Isabela had swapped places. While Hawke took her turn dismissing Isabela’s flirting, Anders decided to bait him.

 “I can't imagine what Hawke sees in you.”

Fenris took the bait like a fish.  To say it in front of Hawke was enough, but the thought of the mage knowing of their relationship (if it could still be called that) made it seem tainted.

“It is done. Leave it be.” He said through gritted teeth, hoping the mage would have the sense to stop, before Hawke overheard.

He didn’t.

“Well, good. I always knew she had some sense.” Anders rubbed in the point.

There it was! Hawke tensed visibly and Isabela shot them both dirty looks.

“Do not make light of this. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done!” By now, Fenris was breathing hard, his lyrium demanding to be unleashed so he could rip into the abomination. Anders smirked, knowing he would not dare.

“Oh, will you two get over yourselves? You're like two dogs around a bitch in heat.” Isabella purred.

“We were talking about Hawke. Not you.” The Tevinter warrior let his power recede.

The woman in question remained silent throughout. He wanted to grab her, to reassure her that she meant _everything_ to him, would they be able to start over? But he did not want to humiliate himself any further. The other voices and sounds became distant echoes.

It wouldn’t have been right. Her turquoise eyes seemed to pin him down, to undo him and bare his suffering for the world to see. He kept silent for the rest of the way home.

 

* * *

Halfway through a bottle of wine, Fenris found his excuse. It had to be different every night or he would have to accept the real reason. He would just go for a walk to clear the warm alcohol headiness. Hopefully, he would also have the chance to rough up thugs.

Every other night was the same routine. He would find some excuse, some of them pathetic and ridiculous in his drunken mind, and wander past the Hawke mansion. Under the cover of darkness, he roleplayed that he was still welcome in her home and in her bed. In his fantasy, he hadn’t pushed her away.

The elf paused outside her front door, fist hovering over the wood. If he knocked, she would welcome him no matter how late the wee hour might be. He could make up some reason for showing up. After all, she was always dropping by his home too.He stepped back from the door and made his way round to the back of her mansion. He scrambled over the fence and climbed up the ivory tower leading to her bedroom window. He had meant to tell her about this route. If a burglar saw it, there would be no problem for an ambush. And yet if he had, Hawke would have removed it.

 Unsafe as it might be, Fenris couldn’t bear the thought of losing the only way he could see her. Here, perched on the balcony space outside her bedroom window, there was no distant politeness. She couldn’t look at him like a wounded bird. The spot had become his favourite. The night before, he had sat on the cold stone with the book she had gifted him and listened to her restless tossing in bed. He knew he should stop. If she ever found him there, Hawke would be more than furious. It would be breaking their silent pact to act like everything was normal.

He was lucky that she even let him continue wearing her red ribbon around his wrist and her family crest on her belt. _See, it meant something to me._ The ribbon and crest meant she knew he had not forgotten her.

After Danarius stole what memories he had of his past life, he vowed he would not forget anything again.

His ex lover was standing by her fireplace, wearing her crimson house coat. Her hair was tied up in a simply braid, leaving her elegant neck exposed. He had seen her dozens of times like this, without her uniform and armor, but the sight of her still took his breath away.

Something was different tonight. She looked tense, like she had been thinking too much over one subject. She turned towards her door.

“You’re here,” She said, unfolding her arms. “I wasn’t sure you would come.”

“Justice does not approve of my obsession with you. He believes you’re a distraction.”

Fenris bit down on his tongue to stop a growl from leaving his throat. He would recognise that abomination’s voice anywhere. He had _no_ right to be in her bedroom! At Hawke’s side where Fenris belonged!

Fenris couldn’t help himself. He peered in from the corner of the window.

Sure enough, the mage stood by her doorway, with a smirk. Fenris wanted to reach into his chest and yank out his heart. See if he was still smirking then.

“It is one of the few things which we disagree on.”

Hawke walked into his open arms and smiled up at him. Her entire body leaned into his touch like a flower blooming for the sun. Had she lied when she said he was the only one who caught her eye?

“If you hadn’t come, I’d be out looking for you, Anders” She promised.

Fenris didn’t need to hear anymore. He leapt down from the balcony, not caring if the neighbours heard and assume he was a burglar. He went straight to the Hanging Man till he spotted Isabela. As soon as she strutted to the bar, he grabbed her tightly enough to leave bruises on her arms and pressed his lips against hers.

She stiffened at first but soon relaxed in his touch. Her teeth caught his bottom lip and he tasted his own blood on her tongue.

There were no memories with Isabela. There was uncontrollably lust, name calling and bruised flesh. He kept his gauntlets on at her request. The spikes left blood teardrops down her bronze skin. Hawke’s name fell silently on his lips.

 

* * *

 

Elisa Hawke didn’t feel comfortable in Ander’s embrace. He was sweet and kind when he wasn’t talking about drowning them both in blood but something about it made her feel… wrong.

“Are you sure you want me here? I thought you and Fenris… or did the beast finally turn on you?”

Her head shot up, almost catching his chin, and she broke free of his grip. Hurt flashed across his face.

“Do not call _him_ that!” She folded her arms over her chest. “I am sorry, Anders, but we can’t do this!”

He looked at her, searching her eyes for something she didn’t know and then nodded, resigned. “Fine. Whatever you see in a maniac like that… perhaps your hand will tame him.”

Hawke winced when Anders snorted, slamming the door.

 

Then she was alone. Why had she reacted that way? She wanted to love Anders, she really did, and it had been close to a year since her one night with Fenris. He had made it clear that night meant nothing to her. He paraded about with her fucking ribbon on his wrist so everyone would know he conquered the Champion. She wanted to rip off the cursed red fabric and burn it in front of him.

The Champion of Kirkwall sighed and went to bed. Halfway through the night, Dorian, the ever loyal dog heard her quiet sobbing. He whimpered at the bottom of her bed, begging permission to comfort her. She turned on her side and ignored him.

 

* * *

 

They spent weeks dodging around each other. Weeks turned into months. Hawke was her usual sarcastic self but she made sure to stay on polite terms with Anders. She hated that she had hurt him. But she despised the lustful looks Isabela was shooting Fenris and the worst thing was he responded.

“This has to stop!” She promised herself. So she grabbed the wine bottle she had bought the day before and strolled over to Fenris’ mansion. It was the same Ferelden brand her parents used to share for their anniversary. It made sense opening one, to celebrate officially being a Kirkwall citizen for one year. She wished Bethany, or even Carver, could be here to share a glass with her. Since a mad blood mage had stolen away her time left with her mother, Hawke found herself thinking more of family. She shook her head as if she could cast away the memories. Still, it wasn’t too late and she doubted Fenris would mind if she went over.

His front door was already open. She rolled her eyes and kicked it closed.

“One of these days, Fenris, it will be a serial killer. I am putting a lock on your door before I receive a letter asking me to identify your body.” She called out as she made her way past the debris on the stairs.

She came to a dead stop outside his bedroom. The door was slightly ajar. Audibly, the low murmur of that bitch’s voice, as well as their moans of pleasure could be heard. Her chest tingled like a stone was weighing down her heart.  _Don’t… don’t go in there… please you don’t have to hurt any more…_

Against her better nature, willing to trust Fenris one more time, the mage pushed open the door fully. Before her widened eyes, the room was illuminated by the fire’s amber glow. Something deep down inside of her that she was pretty sure hadn’t existed, cracked away. The sight seared into her mind, yet she kept trying to find some reasonable explanation for it. _  
_

_They can’t be, they’re my friends._   

Isabela’s glistening body was straddling Fenris. They were lying in front of the fireplace in a tangle of limbs and bare skin. She tried to erase this unbelievably agonizing betrayal, but it was far too late. She choked on a sob. It was only quiet but in the silent living room, it sounded like an earthquake.

Both heads turned towards her- Fenris looking impassive and groggy. Hawke had never seen Isabela naked before. Maker, she was beautiful. Bite- marks lined the valley between her perfect tits and her thick dark hair tumbled down her shoulders in waves.

 _This isn’t fair._ And the expensive wine bottle slipped from Hawke’s grasp and shattered into a million pieces, the red liquid seeping outwards like blood. Her knees were weak as water, but she somehow managed to remain standing and leaning against the door frame.

 Isabela immediately disentangled herself from him and grabbed at her clothes which were tossed carelessly around. She kept mumbling empty words, probably an apology but Hawke couldn’t bring herself to make out the words _.  The mantra kept looping over and over ‘I would have chosen her too.’_

Fenris was in front of her in a second. She hadn’t even seen him move. How cold his vivid green eyes were, neither warmth nor appeal in them anymore. There was something that still attracted her to him, but she couldn't remember what it had been.

Elissa wouldn’t name this feeling anger. She felt sort of numb, the very same numbness she went through as her mother died, like something was missing from her body, some vital organ, but she couldn’t put her finger on which one and if she could live without it.

She jerked away when he tried to reach for her. He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it.

“It’s okay.”  Elissa said, her voice hollow. “I understand. She’s prettier, she’s funnier. You fit. Don’t worry. ” She turned on her heels and fled out of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious thanks to Reinamarieseregon for being the best beta I could imagine! Thanks for reading :)


	2. Those who wait

** Those Who Wait **

* * *

 

 

“Enchantment?” Sandal’s wide eyes staring down at Hawke’s figure curled in a ball by the library door.

She barely made it out of Fenris’ suffocating home, down the street and into her home, before the tears came. She was exhausted by the time she stopped crying and had closed her eyes for a few moment. Sandal was staring at her in confusion.

“I am fine, Sandal. Thank you.” She lied as she dragged herself up.

 _This is not how a Champion acts._ She straightened her shoulders and held her head high. She just had to maintain a charade for Sandal’s sake. Well, the only other person worrying about her, besides Varric. She called for a bath to be drawn and settled in her room with a glass of brandy.

 

* * *

 

Much later that night, Hawke heard a crashing sound from downstairs. She shot up like a light and unsheathed a dagger from under her pillow. Her chest heaved, though her mind was still foggy from sleep. She swung her legs out from beneath the silk blankets. The cold floor bought her back to reality.

If it was another halfwit burglar, he had picked the wrong night. Tinkles hadn’t growled or barked up a storm yet. She wondered if the dog already had the burglar pinned underneath his giant paws.

Dagger in hand, she tiptoed down the staircase. The fire in the library was still flickering. A shadow cast on the wall. Arching her arm back, she jumped around the corner and thrust the blade forward.

Metal hissed against metal. The last person she wanted to see, intercepted it with his gauntlet, the blade just inches from piercing his throat. Hawke reeled back and dropped it.

“Maker’s breath! You scared me to death! I thought you were some halfwit burglar! What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?” She fumed.

How close she had been, to stabbing Fenris! The elf’s lyrium tattoos hummed blue, giving him an otherworldly appearance, then flickered to normal. It was an instinctive self-defence. She turned away, before she could get lost in his pining soulful eyes and unsteadily poured herself a brandy. Some of it sloshed and she cursed at her clumsiness.

Fenris’ alluring voice remarked softly, “I did not think you would answer the door.”

“Because it is the middle of the night! I could have killed you, Fenris! What in the Maker’s name were you thinking? Couldn’t this wait?”

She raked back her hair and drained the contents at one shot.

“I think you know.” He still sounded so rationaly calm.

“I really do not.”

“Hawke.”

“Maker’s breath, I am SICK of hearing my name now. Either _spit out_ what it is you want or leave! It has been a horribly disappointing long day and I would like to get some sleep-”  She slammed down her glass, ready to show him out.

“Hawke.” Roughly, he grabbed her shoulder and steered her to turn around. It was the first unnecessary touch he had given her in a year. When he helped her to her feet or yanked her away from danger, there was always a hesitation like he feared she would burn him. She looked up into his eyes.

_Ah, that is why I am in love with him._

She remembered why she had turned Anders away. She loved Fenris so painfully- loved him enough to let him kill her.

“Please leave, Fenris.”

He hesitated and then said, “No.”

She tore his hand off her shoulder and faced the fireplace.

“What is it you want to talk about, Fenris?” Her voice tremored.

“You saw Isabela and me together. I- ”

She interrupted him, “Yes, thank you for the reminder. I was thinking about having a nightmare later and I was running out of ideas.”

“I do not understand why this has caused you offence. The _abomination_ was fast enough to replace me.” He spat out every word as though it was venom.

A frown creased her forehead.

“What are you on about, Fenris? I _never_ slept with Anders.”

“Do not lie to me! I saw him in your room!”

 “What were you doing out- never mind! Yes, he did come here, but when he called you a beast, it reminded me why I would never love him. Because I was still in love with you!”

Fenris stepped back, his turn to be incredulous. She might as well as slapped him across the face.

“The abomination and you…”

She cried, “There was _never_ an ‘abomination and me’! How could you think that?”

He said nothing. Hawke turned around, just to check he was still there. The flames reflected off his glistening silver armour. He was radiant. Maker, how fierce her yearning remained for him!

She couldn’t help torturing herself with images of them together. She had no right to be mad. She held no claim over him, because of their one night together. Still, she had to know a few things for her to accept that fact.

“Do you see it with her?” She finally asked. “Your memories, do they come back?”

He shook his head. “Not once.” She thought that would be the end of it.

“It has only been 3 months with her.”

 ** _Only_** _3 months?!_ She felt worse than a fool, that she hadn’t the foggiest idea.

She had offered this man her heart and watched with a smile as he crushed it in his hand. She had laughed, while she bled on the floor. She had waved as the life drained from her.

“You’re right. I had no reason to be mad. It was just a shock. No one had told me… just, can I go get some sleep now?”

His eyes widened with something akin to panic. “I should have said something. I am sorry, Hawke.”

She shook her head sadly. “Please, Fenris, it is nothing. I should not have come into your house like that anyway.”

“Why did you come?”

“I found a wine I thought you may like. But- ” She couldn’t summon the energy to explain her point of view. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been convincing enough.

He replied sincerely, “You have my thanks for the gesture. It was kind of you to think of me, Hawke.”

“Yes, er..”  She ushered him to the door and signalled for him to go.  

“Would you like to join us for a trip to the Wounded Coast in two days? At least one of us needs to be awake.” As an afterthought, Hawke remarked, watching his small feet padding outside.

“I will be there.” He replied right away, turning around to look at her.

What? Elissa had hoped he would turn it down. The trip to the Wounded Coast would be awkward enough with Anders and Isabella. She knew he hated the Wounded Coast and wondered if he took the job just to spite her.

“See, we get along much better when you do not hate me.” Her attempt at hurrying along the conversation fell like an iron balloon.

“Can… can we remain friends?”

Even though the idea was absurd, she astonished herself with a smile.  “Of course we are. Your relationship doesn’t change anything. I am glad you are happy, Fenris.”

He opened his mouth as if he wanted to object, but quickly closed it.  “Of course. We will meet then, at the usual place.”

 

* * *

  

After the mission, Hawke requested for them to meet for something important. When the elf stepped into her house, he could hardly believe his ears.

“I want you to take this off, Fenris.” Her voice was steady but the tiny break in her words betrayed her attempts at hiding her emotion. 

She caught hold of his gauntlet with the ribbon firmly.

He tried to disguise his turmoil of pain and shock. Normally the elf still had his manners to ask for clarification ‘excuse me’ that Hawke liked, but she had a different attitude today. 

 “No!” He jerked away. “I don’t want to hurt you. Calm yourself.”

“Fenris, it is not fair.”

“You do not understand.”

“Give it to me.”

“Hawke, please-"

“Fenris, it isn’t fair for Isabella or anyone else you move on with.”

He repeated, stubbornly, “I _will_ not give it you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “If we are to continue as _friends_ then it is not right for you to be bragging about bedding me when it meant nothing to you.”

He searched her eyes, begging her to see the wound she had inflicted.

“That night mean _everything_ to me, Elissa.” Fenris wished she would relent, that he still cared.

“Do not lie! If both of us are to move on- ”

“Just…. Give me a moment.” He turned away from her, breathing hard. This was no physical fight, and Fenris felt drained emotionally. When he blinked open his eyes, Hawke was still untying the ribbon. She snapped off her family crest. The knot came undone under her delicate fingers and flowed like blood onto her palm. Fenris watched all of that disappear into her pocket.

“What will you do with it?”

She wanted nothing more than to throw the ribbon into the fire and be done with it. She hated his wounded look, like this was more hurtful to him. But it had to be done. She couldn’t wait for him anymore when he didn’t want her.

“Thank you, Fenris.” She said and she meant it too.

He caught her eye when he looked up. He didn’t say anything and she didn’t expect him too. She wanted to scream and yell at him. She wanted to rip out her heart and bang her head against the ground. ‘I’m in hell. Please help me.’

But she didn’t. He turned around, his hand still clutching the wrist missing the ribbon, and stumbled down the street.

Elisa watched him go out of sight. Then she walked back into the library and stood in front of the library. The ribbon weighed down her hand. She hesitated with her hand over the flames.

She couldn’t do it. She was so weak when it came to Fenris. She loved his markings, his hair, his chuckle, his rare smile. She loved everything about him, except he didn’t belong with her. Carefully she kept the ribbon inside the jewellery box on the bookshelf. It had been a gift from the elven merchant whose daughter she had saved.

The Champion slide down into the armchair and drifted to a dreamless sleep. No tears came that night. For now, that was enough.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a one-off thing I wrote because I got the feelings when I thought of Fenris and Hawke. I hope everyone likes it! I think I hit a bug in my game whereI romanced Fenris first, kissed Anders but had second thoughts (as if I could condone him calling my Leto a beast) but Fenris still did the deed with Isabella. It then didn't let me romance him again! I didn't cry. Those weren't tears in my eyes.
> 
> This will just be a one shot, I think. Please let me know what you think or just say hi (I love it when people say hi). Hope you enjoy! And once again- I owe a huge debt to Reinamarieseregon for being Beta for this entire work :)
> 
> -Al

**Author's Note:**

> *Follows gameplot Fen/isabela, resemblance to others' is unintended.
> 
> I think I hit a bug in my game whereI romanced Fenris first, kissed Anders but had second thoughts (as if I could condone him calling my Leto a beast) but Fenris still did the deed with Isabela. -Al


End file.
